I was on the road at 6am today, en route to Montreal to do some training at La Caserne, a hub for some of the most talented circus professionals. I had a week of training planned with some really amazing artists. All packed and eager for an uninterrupted week devoted solely to my "professional development", I was abruptly halted by road closures everywhere, As I waited for an onramp to open up, I decided to run a few errands. I stepped out onto the sidewalk and checked an email that popped up on my phone. An email from Cirque du Soleil. Inviting me to audition in Las Vegas. In two weeks. I almost vomited on the sidewalk.
It's really happening. I have my chance. I had visions of bombing the audition and missing the chance of a lifetime. Negative thoughts streamed in like fire ants up a pant leg -"I'm not prepared. I'm out of shape. I don't have a worthy act. I've got acute tendonitis in my hip flexor. I suck at auditions." Not until later that afternoon did I realize that cirque du soleil picked me to audition for a reason. On some level (however big or small) my work is convincing. Now why do I not believe that myself? After an afternoon of complete panic, and a b-line to the gym, I decided to take a walk to the water...a little park by the Hudson River. I meditated on positive thoughts and tried to be kind to myself. (I was not kind, however, to the brat little girl next to me hurling rocks at the ducks. ) I have 5 minutes to prove to Cirque du Soleil that I am worth hiring. I have a lifetime to battle my inner self and trust that who I am is enough. Whether or not I will actually get into to Cirque du Soleil is a mystery now, but my battle to win self confidence begins today.
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